Snake's Blog

I had a bit of a disaster yesterday (Jesus, this blog seems to be one endless bad beat story). I was at work and felt the urge to park a family of Otters at the pool. Ordinarily this would be one of the most pleasurable experiences whilst at work, sat there snapping a turd off knowing that I am getting paid for it, but not on this occasion.

Now, I am one of those people who believes that when sat on the crapper, one should have something to entertain themselves with. Normally this is a newspaper, book or some other piece of literature but on this occasion I decided to take my mobile phone to surf the tinterwebz (not for Frankie Vaughan I hasten to add). Placed phone on top of a towel, bent over to pull strides down in preparation for pebble dashing the back of the pan, knocked towel and mobile phone ends up in bottom of pan ffs (pre depth charge bombing).

Reached in to get the bastard thing out but too late, it was fizzing and constantly on vibrate, plus the screen was blank. Dried it off then finished my dump. Now, this is where it gets interesting. I fired the lappy up and did a bit of research, came across this little beauty of a site here. So I get home, place the phone in a sealed container and covered it with uncooked rice. Placed it in the oven with just the light on and left it for 24 hours. Retrieved it today and put it all back together and the fooking thing actually works!!! Lol saved myself some right dollar as it is one of those expensive touch screen mutha fuckers and I ain't got insurance. The only downside is that it has a huge brown skid mark on the screen, but we can't have everything now can we? :)

As this is supposed to be a Poker blog I suppose I better let you know how things are going. Just playing 25nl Rush atm, playing really well but don't want to doomswitch myself so I will post a graph in a few weeks. Putting into place some of the things that I have read in 'Zen and the art of Poker'. It's a good read, I recommend it.

Happy Festive Season and good luck at the cyber felt to all.

Snake

We have finally moved house, but fuck my life it was a mission. Firstly, the money was not transfered over until 4pm on Friday. We were sitting on the drive of the new property for 2 hours, just waiting, and waiting, until eventually we got the call and the geezer handed us the keys.

2 hours to unpack the first load into the garage, 20 mins drive back to the old house, 1 and half hours to pack up the van again, 20 mins drive, 1 hour to unpack, 30mins drive to pick kids up, 30 mins drive to return van, 30 mins back to house, put cot up, shower, change, 25 min drive to work starting at midnight until 7am. [ ] Fun times.

Anyway, we are in and the new house is lovely. There is something about a new build that makes it special. Maybe it is because you know that no one else has rumped in it? Also, little things, like having a lock on the khazi door so no one can enter when I am curling one out, make it sooooo much better.

The next mission is to install a loft arial so the kids can watch CBeebies. Then to get online again. Thinking of going with BT as the waiver the £130 charge for a new line if you get a broadband/phone package with them.

When that is sorted I will start to play some pokes again as I got a load of tournie tickets for stars, then I am gonna grind some cash on Microgaming.

Gl all

Snake

P.S Here is a song you will prolly hear a gazillion times over the next week or so.

Beat one, Missus falls over on ice whilst holding baby. Puts hand down to protect baby, breaks hand.

Beat two, prior to beat one. Missus driving her car, car conks out. Taken into garage, gear box fucked, have a £1000 estimated bill for repair shoved in your eye.

Beat three, completion date for moving is this Friday. As of yesterday the cunts that are Northern Rock state it will take 5 working days to establish the final redemption figure for the mortgage. Wtf!! That means Monday by my calculation.

Brag, spun $30 into $100 on Minted poker in 20 mins pwning a kraut donk HU.

Variance, it's Christmas soon so goodbye 2010

/Rant over

Apologies if this post is utter bollocks but I am blogging via my mobile phone for the first time, so the standard may be shitter than normal.

Anyways, it's 03.38 as I compose this master piece of literature. I have been at work since 10pm and I have suddenly got the urge to blog. I put this down to the fact that it has been a horrendous evening. For those of you who haven't made my accquintance I am a Custody Sergeant with an East Midlands Police Force.
I am the person who sits behind the desk and books you in if you have committed a misdemeanour. Normally I genuinely enjoy my role but tonight I have despised it with a passion.

The reason? One word answer, drunks.

Now don't get me wrong, I like a drink and have been drunk on several occasions, but I am a happy drunk. Give me a kebab when I'm pissed then I could sleep on a chicken's lip.
Tonight though, everybody who has been arrested has been mashed. Not only that they have been abusive, incredibly violent and generally obnoxious. Most have been young males but the worst have been female. One even spat at me ffs. Charming, a load of green lag dripping down my shirt. Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong in this once great country of ours.

Some good news, hopefully we will be moving house on the 17th. We are buying a property in a quite country village, essentially as we need a bigger garden for the kids. It is a new build so has 3 shitters in it. I will be spoilt for choice lol. The only negative is the nearest boozer is 2 miles away, looks like I will have to acquire a pub bike.

Poker wise I have only played a couple of games, both in the epic that is the RTR North v South HU comp. It's all about game selection baby! I have managed to win both matches 2-0, crushing the southern fish Coggs and Rubbish. Well, Rubbish isn't really a southener but he is Welsh so it's just as bad I suppose.

Right, I'm off to have a dump. Don't you love it when you get paid to drop a family of otters off at the pool!

Be good.

Snake

Greetings a salutations avid reader.

I have registered on a site called 'Bidibot' which is basically a penny auction site that mainly auctions Poker items, such as Stars Tournament tickets, cash credits etc etc. If you register you get 10 free bids and each bid puts the price up by 1c and adds 30 seconds to the clock. I managed to get 20 free bids by putting a code in from Poker Player Magazine and used those bids to win 2 Stars 11 buck tournie tickets and a $22 one also, for the grand total of $2.17, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Seems good value to begin with, also the CEO is John Tabatabai who has posted on a few forums to dispel rumours and myths about Bidibot. Nhwp Sir.

On the forum we have a HU challenge between the North and South. It's going to commence pretty soon. Should be an epic battle, with the banter flowing back and forth. There is a bit of a cash incentive but essentially it will be for bragging rights on the forum. You can read about it here.

Laters fish, gotta to go for a dump then get ready for work. More work related anecdotes coming soon.

Now then faithful reader, I am back and as the title suggests, I am well and truly alive and kicking!!

Got loads of stuff going on at the moment, should be moving house before Christmas,jesus what a grind that fucker is. If I ever come back reincarnated I want to be one of 2 things. Firstly, an Estate agent. Place picture of the house in local paper, make a few telephone calls, collect two grand for your troubles, easy game!!

The other thing I wouldn't mind coming back as is a wasp. Fly around, annoy the fuck out of people, simples.

On the Poker front I've not played much at all online, just been too busy with work/moving etc. On this point I have a cunning plan, that cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a fox. After Christmas/moving house I will have a bit of a roll saved up. I also have plenty of leave left over, so my plan is to take nearly a month off work and play 'full time' so to speak. I have spoke to The War Minister (Missus) about this and she seemed O.K with it. I will devise a rota that I will stick to and hope to play 5/6 hours a day, 6 days a week. 5 days cash and 1 day MTT/MTSNG.

I will also speak to Amatay, Kenn, Longy, Everton Yorkie et al and get any advice I can. What you think loyal reader? Any thoughts/ideas are welcome.

In the world of live Poker I have managed to get my own HendonMob Database entry lol, The Snake is officially the 39th best amateur in the World :).

Also went with the RTR crew to Dublin for the IPO. The Tournament was a non-entity for me, crashing out in the second level. The good news about this was that I got to drink loads of Guinness with Rubbish and Coggs. We were soon joined at the bar by Amatay, Jakattack, NoShoes and Paul then it all went a bit messy tbh. I can't remember a thing :) Remember boys, what goes on tour stays on tour so sshhhhhhh.

Great fun, beers, pokes and meeting new friends like Greekstein, Barry Carter, Neil Channing and Padraig Parkinson. Going to definatley go next year, quality times.

Leave you with a few piccies of the RTR crew at the IPO.


Two beer swilling poker players


Coggs before I owned his soul at cash


My hero Amatay


Jak in the Bounty game


Mr Channing and The Snake

Anyway, this has gone on far too long and is really boring, Amatay, can I have my $50 please?

Or lack of one as the case may be. Hardly played any Poker at all recently as I have had to spend what was left of my roll on life schizz. With the missus not working, ok I will rephrase that incase Mair is reading, with the missus staying at home to look after the children, and the current economic climate things are getting tough financially. I suppose they are not too bad as we have just had a lovely holiday in the Lake District and we live a good life compared to some more unfortunate folk, but you have to prioritise and cut your financial cloth accordingly, so the Pokes has to go temporarily.

Got a little bit left to donk around in a few Tournies in the RTR $5 syndicate we have got going on the forum but other than that no Pokes for the Snake for a few months. I cannot moan though, I was speaking to the fish that is BurnleyMik on the phone earlier on today and was moaning to him how bad I run at life etc etc blah blah but we discussed what I have got out of Poker over the last few years. The answer was a new kitchen, new windows for the house and a holiday, not too shabby for a donk who has a bit of a hobby.

Speaking of BurnleyFish, or Max from Phoenix Nights as he is known to his close pals, the geezer is on fire at the moment. Here is his latest post about his May profits, not bad eh?

Here is a picture of the Great Man himself to put on your bed side table.



Anyway, got to bug out, crime don't crack itself.

Laters

两点 (Topical language)

*Warning, long post



Raise The River Team that attended the Newcastle Poker Forum Event this last weekend. Back row left to right, Me, Yorkie Pud, Mr Origami, Tripz, DoV, front row left to right, Rubbish/Please to meet you, HammerHeid, BM, NoShoes, dD.

Right, here we go. I was supposed to travel up with dD who was coming up the A1 but was running a bit late, so I got a call from BM who said he was near Leeds and would do a 180 degree turn and collect me. I think he had an ulterior motive that was trying to peek at my missus's Eartha Kits, so I countered this by waiting at the end of the road for him.

We left my village at about 10.40am and made good progress, landing at the Hotel at about 12.30ish. The other lads had also just arrived, after initially going to the wrong Hotel. When at the wrong Hotel Pud and NoShoes saw some geezers going on the lash in fancy dress. Two fat blokes were dressed in Borat Mankinis and there was a bloke who was a dwarf covered in blue and dressed as a Smurf. I would have pissed my self laughing if I had seen this!!

We jumped a Mini Bus to the G Casino, had a few swifties, then it was down to the pokes. I had a couple of guys on my table that I know are pretty decent players, and also had some pissed up sweaty sock who was the table fish. He was in every pot from the off and was chucking in chips left, right and centre. He got lucky a couple of times and built up a bit of a stack, so I targeted him as the chip donator.

I didn't really play a hand until level 4. I've got about 7000 from starting stack of 7500, blinds at 100/200, fish limps UTG, 2 callers and I look down at ladies so pop it upto 1100. Fish calls, 2 folds and the flop comes Ah4h9x, fish looks over at me, smiles, then shoves his stack of about 9k in the middle. I tank for ages trying to think of a hand he would play like this and can only put him on a heart fd or pocket neufs so make the fold, he showed 99 so I was pleased with the fold.

I had to fold QQ again when I 3 bet one of the better players and he flatted from the CO, flop came AKx and he lead 3/4 pot, with my stack my only options were shove or fold and I didn't think he would lead with anything worse than AJ+, . My exit hand was pretty standard against the pissed up fish, blinds are 150/300, it's folded to me on the button with TT and 5k stack, raise to 800, he insta 3 bets to 2k(which he did loads of times and showed schizz like KJo, T9 and such) so I tank thinking I am miles ahead of his range, shove it all in only to be snapped off with AA LOL. GG me!! As a forum we were pants and had no one coming back for day 2 ffs. Dream of Vegas got deepest for us, winning the £10 last longer bet.

Ended up having loads of beers then decided to play blackjack as the dealer was called Phoebe and was fit as a butchers. Won about £70 then moved onto the £1/£1 cash table, bought in for £100. Unfortunately Mr Mayagi was not on it but there was one older geezer who was bladdered. The first hand i noted him play he was UTG and open raised to £16, yes £16. He got one caller and the flop came Q62. He check raised and the other dude folded. The bloke then stated 'I never raise with nothing' then flipped over Q6 lol. Ended up £90 ish up after winning a few pots, one with a set and the other with AK which flopped Broadway :)

Loads more beer later and I am now regged for the £15/£15 rebuy or add on. Play pretty good pissed up pokes and end up chopping it up 4 ways at 6.30am with me taking $370 and the others £300. I was chip leader by a bit when we did the deal so I was pretty generous but I was absolutely bladdered and also proper knackered. I definitely had 15+ beers, probably closer to 20.

Got up about 11 ish, Mik and Pudster fucked off as they are both under the thumb, so me, dD, Mr O, NoShoes, Rubbish and my roomie DoV went to the boozer next to the hotel and shifted a few pints. We then jumped a cab to the Toon and settle in a bar called 'Players' to watch Chelski vs Liverpool. After consoling Mr O we then had some munch at McTuckyKing, then went back to the G. Fooked about a bit on Blackjack and roulette then regged for the £10 FO/£10 bounty. Never quite got going in this and busted with AQ vs KJ. Congrats to Rubbish who took 4th for £60 plus bounties.

The rest of us went back into The Toon and hit the same bar as before. We sat outside and just drank/stared at the birds. There was some proper fit ones but also loads of munters, pretty much standard but was a good laugh. I hit the wall about 1 ish after my mammoth session the previous day so fooked off back to the Hotel on my jacks, leaving the other boys on the lash.

DoV staggered in at 6.36am on the dot, I know this as the loud twat took great delight in waking me up with his exceedingly loud pissed up snoring!! About an hour later and I am dozing when all of a sudded DoV leaps out of bed and heads towards the bog for what I can only presume is a piss. The only thing is he completely misses the door and walks head first into the wall, ending up on his arse. PMSL!!

Me and dD set off about 10.30ish, uneventful trip home. Bit of a result for me, ended up in profit to the tune of £320, weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Great to meet Rubbish, Tripz and Mr O, quality blokes, all the other RTR fish I have met before, all great lads. Really enjoyed the weekend and the company, can't wait for the next meet up. Nice to see Mair, Stan, Mike and Lou, Card Gaurd Kid and Team Dobbs amongst others, all lovely people!! If you haven't been on one of these, or an APAT event, you are missing out big style.


Gl at the tables

Il Serpente

Just a quick update, going to Newcastle this weekend with Raise The River to play in the Newcastle Poker Forum Team Event. Going to be a cracking weekend with the lads, 2 of which are shown above, left is Mik the right is Pud.

Full trip report early next week. Going to be good to see some of the other Bloggers representing other Forums, come over and have a beer!!

Took my roll offline the other day for several reasons. Firstly, to preserve the roll as the beats were redik. I began to tilt stacks off and ended up playing weak/passive which is not my game. Secondly, to preserve my sanity as emotionally it was really hard. Working all day then grinding at night only to suffer the two outer river specials, we have all been there, you know what I am saying. Thirdly, I run bad at life. I have got some family issues I need to resolve that take precedence over online poker.

I will have a break from da cash for a couple of months, but I will still play in the Bloggerment if I am not working, I played in it last Sunday as well as Mair's Charity game and really enjoyed myself. The only annoying thing was BurnleyFish constantly 3 betting my azz as he was sat on my left. It was a case of 'I know he is 3 betting me light but he knows I am opening light'. I decided to 4 bet shove him with JTs only for Mik to insta-snap me off with AK lol. Played about 6 of the new $4.40 135 peep sng's on FT the other day, shipping one for $150 and change, good fun and over quickly. I may play a few of these for a laugh during my cash sabbatical.

Going to Newcastle in just over a week for the NPF Forum Team event with the Raise The River geezers, can't wait it will be a good laugh and looking forward to a few beers with the lads!

Enjoy your time at the tables and crush!!

Το Φίδι

(Greek btw)

Apologies for not updated this schizz blog, no excuses I am a lazy fucker!!

Right, March was an absolute disaster, ended up 8 buy ins under Ev. Negative variance I realise and it will turn around. Not going to moan too much, just going to grind through it. You kinda know you are running bad when AA is only winning 87% and KK 79%.

I have decided to move down to 20nl on Microgaming to absorb this downswong and to protect the BR. Made a decent start to the month, up about 4 buy ins but KK is again running so bad. Got it 3 times in one session and lost all 3. AIPF vs AA, standard. AI on a flop of T83 vs 99, turn J river 7 fml. Other was versus QJ who called my raise OOP, then c/c 2 streets on a Qxxx brd, river was a queen so I check behind to go with my read.

There is a few decent players at 20nl but overall the standard is shocking. Wish me luck and hopefully I can run better and move back up soon.

Enough of Poker, I have played at the same Rugby Club for 22 years, I will not name the Club for fear of identification but we are still the most promoted club in the history of the League system in England, currently in the Championship, one down fron the Premiership. My first team career ended a few years ago but I still turn out for the lower teams when I can.

Anybody who is a member of a Rugby club will testify what a crack it is. I have loads of amusing stories that all involve loads of beer, some degree of nakedness, various animals and occasionally women.

One of the best gags is when a player gets badly injured and has to undergo an operation, other team members make a competition out of who can give the best 'joke' present.

Several years ago I smashed my cheek bone and have to have it rewired. When I was recovering in Hospital I could only drink through a straw. What did the first lad to visit me bring? A huge box of rock hard toffee.

Well, yesterday I had a phone call from the main ring leader of this game. He was telling me about a former player who injured his leg years ago and has always suffered with it, culminating in a degenerative bone condition that has necessitated in his leg being amputated from the knee down. Pretty horrific you may think, but the one thing is this hasn't come as a shock as he has known for several years that this would eventually happen.

Despite this, one would think that having a leg amputated would mean sympathy from all concerned, including the Rugby lads.

Not in the slightest!! Guess what they gave him as his 'joke' present, a DVD of the 1984 classic starring Kevin Bacon, Footloose!!! Looooooooooooooooooooool, honestly when I heard a little bit of wee came out of the end of my knob :)

Good luck all.

La Serpiente

Wow, the downswong continues. As the title suggests I am going to have a few days off and re-evaluate what I am going to do. I have 2 choices, drop down a level a ride it out, or withdraw what is left of the roll, take a month or so off from online poker, use this time wisely to study the game, the return with a bigger bank roll. Tbh at this time I am not too sure what to do. I will probably drop down and play 20nl as I am a degen, plus If I can get through this negative variance then I can get through anything. One thing is I will be mentally a lot stronger.

I will not bore you with the bad beats, there are far too many, but what astounds me is how bad my premium hands are running. In the last few sessions I have had AA and KK busted 75% of the time. Also QQ isn't too good lol. Got QQ 3 times last session, ran it into AA and KK aipf which is standard, but the hand that tilted me was against a retard who min 3bet my open oop, called the 4bet then made a PSB on a low monotone board, I shoved and he called flipping over AKo for no pair no draw. Obv K on the turn, so sik.

The ironic thing is that my downswong has coincided with me purchasing 'The Poker Mindset' lol, I am going to burn the fooker lol.

Gl everyone, keep attacking

Warning, bad beat post coming up. Just gotta get this shit off my chest.

Standard on the flop against his range.

Fck my life, nice call pf!




Standard 2 outer on the river of doom.




Seriously, I mean calling PF with Q4s, give me a break ffs, then the old runner/runner str8 weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!



Same villian as before, easiest call ever until the river of doom!!




Villian is a decent reg, so when he ships I put him on a FD, obv is hits and I fail to re-suckout.




Sik flop, fml!!



Standard but annoying.



Villian is a huge fish, just look what he calls with PF lol



Its a set again in a 3bet pot!!



Sigh, all these from last 2k hands, online poker rigged imo lol

Seriously, some of these are just redik, some I have played poor, but I have to laugh as the fish calling with schizz like Q4s and K5s will always be +Ev, so I want these guys in the game, just not to keep sucking out on me.

I also really need a break against the regs, they always seem to flop sets vs me in 3Bet pots, c'mon Poker Gods (amen) shine on me please?